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I Am Beautiful
I was raised in church from the time I was 5. My Mom had gotten remarried when I was 2 and we had all decided it was time to start going. I got saved when I was six, in my Daisy class (Missionettes) in Corpus Christi, Texas! My Dad was in the military, so we moved often, and when I was 9 we moved to Memphis, Tennessee. While the military tried to find us housing, we lived in these horrid apartments with cockroaches everywhere.....we were definitely in the ghetto. I had to go to a predominately black school, where I was the minority.......but this didn't bother me, in fact, I don't even think I ever noticed! I only had to go the last half of my 4th grade year there.
Some girls tried to fight me one day and I grabbed my stuff and ran...I didn't stop for a while even after I got out of the school and I stopped by the high schools track and their storage buildings because I couldn't breathe. I won't go into any of the horrible details, but before I even knew what was going on, 2 male high school students grabbed me and they both raped me. I never told anyone, not even my parents. I figured I could deal with it.....obviously, I couldn't, not at the age of 9. But, because I didn't tell anyone, I was still forced to play the part of the little church girl. So, for years I went on, going to church, memorizing all the scriptures, I was an Honor Star, top in the state in JBQ, I taught Children's Church....you name it, I did it.
All this time I knew God was still there, I knew He hadn't left me, but I didn't trust people, definitely not men, and I certainly didn't trust myself. Now, I also didn't blame God, but I wasn't going to ask for His help. So we moved to Alaska and I started high school, and that's kinda when all hell broke loose for me. I started to hurt myself. I figured if I could just hurt myself enough maybe all this pain inside would just go away. I hit myself with anything I thought could hurt me enough that I would be in pain, but other people wouldn't notice. Then that wasn't enough, so I would randomly hurt myself enough that I got attention for it.......I had to be in an arm sling (I had shoulder injuries from being a swimmer anyway). Then I discovered cutting........now, I was a swimmer, so I had to be "smart" about it, so I would cut myself on my arms just a little bit and my inner thighs, but mostly on my stomach. When you are self destructive, it's never enough.....so, then I started not eating. It wasn't because I thought I was fat, but it got me attention. After threatening to be hooked up to an IV by my parents, I started eating again. But that pain was still there......
One night, while everyone was asleep, I went downstairs and swallowed an entire bottle of pills. The intent was not to kill myself, just hurt myself a little bit worse..........and it worked......I'm not even sure what I swallowed, but I ran a fever and threw up for days. My Mom just thought I had a bug.......
My Dear Sister, You are a
My Dear Sister,
You are a beautiful, strong woman in Christ.
And I will always look up to you; always have.
I am so Thankful God showed
I am so Thankful God showed you how beautiful you truly are. You are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. He is using you in our church as well as with your own children. Make sure that they know how beautiful they are and how important they are to you and GOD.
Wow
What an amazing story. I too love how God spoke to the preacher to deliver the exact message you needed in that time, and delivered it straight to you. Sounds like the Lord has been doing quite the work in your life and its great that you're using your trials to help others in need. May God Bless you in all that you do!
Trials......
Thanks T! You are right, the Lord has been doing an amazing work in my life, and He has brought to me some amazing people along the way! I am surrounded by great encouragers, so even on my bad days, I can smile! I can think of no good reason for me to have gone through what I did, unless it will lead people to the Lord. If I can minister to just one person, than I feel I have succeeded, but I know God isn't through with me yet! Thank you for your words........may God also bless you!
A touching testimony
Chele,
I read your story and found it touching. We are all beautiful in God's eyes. Satan hates each and every one of us and he knows our weaknesses. Satan hates us why? Because we have been made in the image of God and Satan can't stand God especially anything that's made in his image. After reading everyones comments it seems you have touched many with your testimony. As a young preacher I still find myself in awe when God speaks to someone. He knows even our darkest secrets. The world may think they can justify themselves and pull the blinds over everyones eyes but the one they can't hide from is God. When they eat from the tree of knowledge and know good from evil they can't hide. Adam and Eve couldn't hide their nakedness they tried, man can't cover sin but God can. So often we try to carry all the burdens when the Bible teaches us to lay it at the feet of Jesus. We all go thru hardships in life some that seem very unbarrable but God will pull you through. If it weren't for the valleys we would never look up. Praise God you looked up and now can share your testimony with others in need of knowing that they to are BEAUTIFUL. We live in an ugly world filled with sin so let your beauty shine like the city on the hill so others will be compelled to seek and find Jesus.
God Bless you.
I love that statement...
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I really love the statement, "We all go through hardships in life, some that seem very unbearable, but God will pull you through. If It weren't for the valleys, we would never look up." That is so true. I don't try to hide what happened to me, I hid for so long, and I carried that burden for so many years........and it was so heavy. It was wonderful to be able to lay it all down. I only pray that God can use me and my testimony to speak to others. We are all beautiful in Him, and that's such a wonderful feeling! God bless you in all that you do!
Thanks for sharing this. I am
Thanks for sharing this. I am sorry you had to go through all of that pain, but what and awesome testimony you have now. It really spoke to me and I needed to read this. I have issues with believing I am beautiful in God's eyes let alone any one else's. It is one thing I really struggle with. It is so easy to let our pasts control our present. Praise God, you were able to overcome it and have such a powerful testimony through it!
I'm not....
I'm not sorry at all that I had to go through what I did. God had a plan and a purpose for each and every bit of it, and every single trial and temptation along the road was a learning experience. I may not have seen it then, but I can see it now, so all of those surveys that ask if you could go back and change one thing, would you? I always answer no to, because God took me through this for a reason, and altough I may not understand, I am a beautiful creation in Him now! It is so easy to let our pasts control our present, but our scars don't show who we are, they just show where we've been, and they can tell a very powerful story. You are beautiful, don't ever let the world or Satan tell you that you aren't. He is perfect and He created us in His image, so although we are sinful by nature, we are still beautiful in His sight. I am glad that my testimony was able to minister to you.........God bless you in all that you do! ~Chele
WOW
Chele,
I hate to hear what you went through as a child. I am SO happy that you found your comfort in Christ. The devil will use every thing he can to weaken us but God has full control. It touched me so much to hear of the preacher who stopped and said, "Say you are beautiful". It goes to show that God is still working today. WOW it gave me chills when I read it! Thank you for sharing your story.
God bless you, the work you do for Him.
That Preacher......
Brian,
When that preacher did that, it was the most terrifying and bizarre thing of my life, at least at first. He was right up in my face and he never even blinked.....not once. Haha......it was pretty crazy, and as the time went on and he continued to talk to me, I didn't even notice the other people in the room, and talking to him didn't intimidate me, it was like I was talking to Christ himself.........especially when he said to me, "I can see the weight of the burdens you bear, you don't even stand up straight....." He was looking all around me, as though he was literally looking at something sitting on my shoulders and that was strapped to my back. And he looked so hurt and worried about it. As he moved around me he just seemed so concerned for my well-being. Like a father would be. I mean, now that I really look back on it and think about it (I was only 16 then), I notice the little things like that, that I didn't pay attention to then. Mostly, I am grateful that he listened to God speaking to him, and stopped his sermon to speak to me......I don't know where I would be if he hadn't. Anyway, thank you for listening to my story! God bless!