This is your life

Growing up, my parents always had me in church. That’s just the way I was raised. Twice on Sunday, once on Wednesday, and then if anything was going on outside of that, we would be there for that too! Once I turned 18 and moved out, I moved away from everything I had been taught growing up. I looked for fulfillment in guys, alcohol and eventually I tried the drug route.

Up until 2006, I stayed that way. Every once in a while I would feel God pulling on my heart. I would stop and think about what I was doing with my life and decide that I wasn’t living the way I was raised and I wasn’t living the way I wanted to, or that God wanted me to. I would desire to get my life back on track and I would try to give up everything else that I was using to ‘fill’ me. It never worked. I always fell right back in to my old ways. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy any of the things I was getting involved in; they all gave me immediate gratification, but not what I really needed to complete me.

In 2006, I had been dating the same person for about 2 years. He and I got along really well. Although I knew inside what I wanted my future husband to be like, and he didn’t fit any of those things, I dated him anyway. A month before we split up, God really pulled on my heart to evaluate my life and the relationship I was in. I wasn’t in a place in my life where I wanted to get married or have kids, but I felt I was at the point that I really needed to start thinking about it. I thought about it for about a month, I asked a few of my friends for their opinions, and really just took the time to think about it. I was constantly hearing the song by Switchfoot ‘This is your life’ on the radio and it always made me think about how I was living.

I finally decided that I knew how I wanted my life to turn out, that I really desired to live for God, and the way I was living my life wasn’t going to get me there. So, I decided to talk to him about it; I just didn’t know when or what exactly I would say. One night, he said he could tell something was on my mind and wanted to know what it was. So, I told him what had been on my heart and that there are a lot of things I was willing to compromise on, but there are some areas that I would not compromise on. I told him that being raised in a church (as much as I didn’t like it then) was important to me, and I want that same thing for my children when I have them. Looking back, I think how hypocritical that statement was considering how I was living my life. I told him I wanted to give my children a loving, Christian home. I want my husband to be a strong Christian man for my children and for me, because I am not always strong. I said if that was something that he was not even going to consider, then I didn’t think we should date anymore because I felt we would just be wasting each other’s time. He looked at me, said “I don’t think I can do that” then went to bed. No discussion about it. I remember thinking to myself, “WOW! That’s really it? After 2 years, I just get an ‘I don’t think I can do that’ and that’s the end?!?” But it was, and I was actually okay with it.

While I don’t prefer to talk about old relationships, the end of that one was a critical turning point in my life. There are other people who go through unthinkable things and are drawn to God by those. God just pulled on my heart and allowed me to make that decision and hold to it. I wanted to really get my life back on track and this time it was going to be different; more than any other time I had tried before. I knew that void in my life that nothing had been able to fill, could only be filled by one thing, God. I knew how I wanted my life to turn out; I knew what I had to do to get there, so I rededicated my life on 9/10/06. No more looking for fulfillment in guys, alcohol or drugs.

About a month and a half after that happened, I decided to take some time to myself (no dating!!!) to really start to seek God’s heart and also to ‘investigate’ the validity of the Bible. I always just ‘trusted’ what I was told and never really questioned it. I spent A LOT of time, reading and praying and trying to find out where God wanted me to go with my life. I felt at that point I was in the job he wanted me to be in; I knew He had a different church family for me (although I didn’t know where); and I wasn't sure if he wanted me to date or to stay single... So I continued to pray. In regards to the dating aspect, I actually got to the point where I said "Ok God, if you want it to just be me and you forever, that's okay with me"... and that is when God brought Chad in to my life.

One day my sister asked me if I would be willing to go on a 'blind date' with Chad (I say blind date because we had gone to the same church previously, but never talked or hung out). I prayed about it for a month and then finally God told me it was okay... God has used our relationship to allow both of us to grow spiritually and to impact others. From the very beginning, Chad and I agreed that God was always number one in our lives, even over each other.

Chad and I decided we needed to find a church that we could both attend together, where there were people our age, a church we could get involved in, and most importantly, that we could grow spiritually at... Through a series of amazing events (that I won’t go in to because I’m trying to keep this short), God brought us to an incredible church. We have amazing friends who have sincere hearts to live for God, and that keep us accountable to making God the center of our lives. We know this is where God has us planted... we both have grown so much since we've been there - it's unbelievable! Chad and I honor God as individuals and as a couple. We know God is going to use us in amazing ways to reach out to others and are so excited to see where He’s going to lead us.

It's been an amazing journey and God has blessed my life SO much since all of this has happened. God continues to show me how loving and faithful and just He really is. I’m not saying there haven’t been any struggles, and not that there won’t be any struggles, but I know it’s a daily process to seek His heart and know what He wants me to do. God is the source of my strength… This is my life.